Trust me on this

Important: This article is purely satirical and you should not value any of the opinions or ‘facts’ presented below.

Pinocchio and Windows Vista

Because I write a blog, my opinions need no justification. You should even base your life and your purchasing decisions around my extremely valuable, NASA-like accurate and self-justified rantings. If you were to ask me what I thought about Windows Vista, because your own opinions are worth less than hotdogs on a stick, I’m here to tell you Windows Vista blows. Just like what this guy, Robert Rittmuller, is telling everyone else. Let’s have a look at what Robert says in greater detail.

  • “(Vista has) no new features”None at all. For the last 5 years, everyone at Microsoft went on a cooking course. Thus had to drop features to make time for icing on the cake.
  • “(Vista has) no speed boost” – A dedicated performance team inside the Windows development division focused solely on how to improve Solitaire’s frame rate.
  • “Microsoft provided these programs in the ‘Ultimate’ version of Vista as a weak attempt to compete with Apple’s iLife software suite.” – The biggest Windows Vista secret yet to be revealed is a home productivity suite. Because Robert has obviously used it.
  • “My own informal tests on my Macbook Pro…” – Because formal benchmarks on Windows Vista are illegal, remember?
  • “…excessive use of transparency” – Transparency you can even see!
  • “Unnecessary eye candy is everywhere” – There are literally Aero bars popping out from left, right and center.
  • “Since Microsoft decided not to build Windows Vista on the longhorn kernel” – R.I.P. Vista’s code-name kernel.
  • “You can do everything promised by Windows Vista in Windows XP today” – Solitaire, check! Minesweeper, check! Notepad, check!

And of course Robert is spot on with his criticism of Windows Vista, so perceivably his next article on “Why Corporations Are Going To Hate Windows Vista” is also totally right. With straight facts like “Windows Vista lacks a ‘Start” menu'”, Robert has found a one-way ticket to successful journalism. I wish him the best of luck.

13 insightful thoughts

  1. All of this gives me the shits, Ok, so he’s got his facts completely barfed up, even if some people do think Vista is ugly.

    What irks me more than his shit, is that everyone who says something like “yeah, vista is ugly”, immediately becomes a “Mac fanboy”, despite it often being the case that the accused has never owned a Mac or hates Macs just as much.

    I’d like to hand these people who cry “fanboy” every time someone disagrees with them, an obvious fact: They’re all fanboys of the word “fanboy”. But thats not all! I’ll even throw in my fully loaded magnum so they can go play Russian Roulette, for as long as it takes…

  2. funny Long Zheng 🙂 I don’t know why Mac OS-X users are trying to write down about something they don’t know .. have they used it .. maybe, but they used it as they used XP .. that’s why !

    I love to see mac os-x users talking about windows .. “is there anybody loving Windows?” .. “you want vista? buy a mac you will have more than vista” .. but when you ask “what do you think that is really useful in Mac OS-X that is not in Vista ?” they can’t answer anything .. or try to say “it is more beautiful”.. is it ? mmh.. I don’t really care !

    I think we are free to say what is on our mind .. but it is so disappointing to see someone writing non-sense article.

    I mean, yeah XP programs are there ! yeah you can have many Vista’s effect in XP.. but HOW … GOD .. it is sooooo slow… and it is just “visual effect”. Do you really think that Vista is only Visual Effect? .. then use Windows 3.1 !

    I don’t really know why people are telling everybody “vista has the same things that xp”.. of course, they are compatible with almost every XP program, but it does not mean that Vista has nothing more than XP.. yes we don’t see so much retro-compatibilities in other OSes, but don’t blame Microsoft for having compatibilities… it’s not their fault if other OSes do not have enough compatibilities.

    I just want to add one thing :
    Mac OS-X Leopard has something new? .. not really

  3. A funny r-tard claim made by him, n00b, please give me way to say it.

    “Since Microsoft decided not to build Windows Vista on the longhorn kernel (which was rumored to be a complete rewrite, or close to it) they ended up leaving many of the known problem areas of Windows XP (and other previous versions) still in place”

    I would like to ask what Longhorn Kernel? They took Win2k3 kernel and wrote Longhorn and now Vista on it. Somebody take that guy to Microsoft.

  4. “To get the most from Windows Vista, you are going to need new hardware (again)”

    Or you could just get the same from Vista as you did from XP, by using your current hardware.

    ‘The IT help desk is going to be overwhelmed – One really basic observation (that I initially missed!) is that Windows Vista lacks a “Start” menu!’

    In Windows 95 and possibly later, their was an animation on the task bar when you first used the computer (wow this brings back memories). It pointed to the start button and said “click here to start using your computer”.

    That wasn’t necessary in Windows XP. Does he think *that* generated a lot of calls?

    It also won’t be necessary in Vista. The logo button is clear enough and it’s in the same location as before.

    As for no new features…

    What about the group policy to prevent addition of mass storage devices? That’s useful!

    What about Fast User Switching allowed on domains? That’s useful!

    What about the Start menu which searches as you type? That’s useful!

    Let’s not also mention the reliability monitor, Volume Shadow Copy (Enterprise and Ultimate only), Flip3D and live window thumbnails. Also file thumbnails which consider the content of the file.

  5. While I agree that Vista was completely GUTTED during its development, leaving the best bits on the cutting room floor, I do not think that this qualifies as no new features. Let’s just agree that some of the half assed replacements look and act like half assed replacements (search folders for example)

    Is it ugly? Remember hot dog? I know people who still run it, would run it on a mac if they had one and the skills to reproduce it.

    I will, however, agree that aside from the eye candy itself (which isn’t worth the price), there is nothing you couldn’t get out of XP, espcially when you consider that many features are being back ported into XP itself (or so MS claims before cancel a few more projects…)

    Will I get Vista Ultimate? Sure, part of my MSDN subscription. Would I pay to get a copy of vista any other way? Nope, and I doubly wouldn’t pay for Vista Ultimate at its retail price (heck, I avoided upgrading to XP for years until I got my MSDN subscription. If the XP pro price was too high, imagine the stickershock Vista would give me.)

    Rather than celebrating its release, MS should be considered firings – Vista was bungled, restarted, and bungled again, and shareholders are going to be furious when sales go into the toilet and stay there until at least the major release AFTER Vistas – you know, the one that might have some of the new features that Vista promised and then cancelled?

  6. A home productivity suite would be actually nice but someone else should build it, MS’s consumer and Joe-average software is too mediocre and dumbed down. Btw, can u point me to some HOME productivity SUITES for WINDOWS?

  7. No matter what MS do some people will never be happy. If they make something only available in vista they are criticized for forcing people to upgrade to get that feature/functionality, but if they make something also available in XP then the critics say there’s no point in vista because there’s nothing that isn’t in XP.

  8. How about everyone just go ahead and install Vista, try running it for about a month, then get back to me. Your post is quite funny and unlike some out there I don’t feel the need to call anyone names or insult anyone just to make a point. I personally prefer to simply let them draw their own conclusions (you done installing Vista yet?).

    PS, I don’t think much of Leopard so far either….

  9. My issue is simple. Its going to have too many issues until at least the first service pack and too many applications I need to use will not work 100% on it.

    I think that’s fair enough.

  10. It is one of the funniest articles I’ve ever read about Windows Vista. Thank you Long Zheng!
    When everybody gets too serious—it is simply boring.
    To me Vista is great, although it does not mean we cannot enjoy other technology wonders.
    As for Robert’s article, it is really good for nothing, especially security in Vista is greatly misunderstood.

  11. I just want to say that was funny, I am going to post it in a different forum with links. BTW, if I did have enough money for Vista including hardware upgrades to my laptop, I would buy Vista when it comes out.

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