What better way to make fun of the silliness that was a list of Utopian user-generated suggestions for future versions of Windows somehow evolved into Microsoft’s secret recipe for success, or at least protected as such, than a parodic comic-strip from the infamous Microsoft comic-stripper Jamie. If the name rings a bell, that’s because he fueled the fire over on Channel9. Ironically amusing.

If you’ve been living under a rock, then don’t tell me I didn’t warn you. There are more news references in these witty dialogs than there are in an episode of Family Guy. There’s also a bunch of permanent cast members you should probably familiarize yourself with. Nevertheless, even if you don’t know who’s who, still worth checking out. Click here for a full list of references used in this strip.

In this latest masterpiece, Mini-Microsoft, Fake Steve Ballmer and Fake Steve Jobs sets out to find the “Priority Report” generated by the Precons(umers). They succeed and in doing so, opens a portal setting the ideas free where they are subsequently leaked. After being chased by Microsoft, they escape just barely. Just as Microsoft prepares to fire a laser upon them, three bloggers (myself included) come to their rescue.

Yesterday, Microsoft had asked me in person, with a bunch of irresistible flowers and cookies, to inform you (because they’re incapable of doing so themselves) on the current state of the Windows Vista SP1 beta. I told them I didn’t know such a thing existed, so I said “o rly?“. Which they responded with “ya rly”. And I concluded with “no wai”.

You might think this is the same message you’ve read on some of my competitor’s websites, not quite. It’s different, but I couldn’t put my hands on exactly what’s different, maybe you, my loyal readers, can help me out here.

Oh hai, itz Microsoft here.

U can has Vista cheezburger pack when we sez its kompleted, k? Cheezburger packs r seriouz part of our cheezburger lifecycle – we has cheezburger packs 4 all of our produks as part of our promiz to cheezburger flavor improvments, n giv u erly flavor tests iz nomal cheezburger practis – u giv gud fidbak so we can has make better cheezburgers.

Cheezburger packs r jus 1 of >1 thingz us do to improve the cheezburger xperins. We can has also givs improvements to cheezburgers thru cheezburger apdatz, itz gud wai 4 us giv u bestest flavors wen we findz thems. Since Vista has lawnched, ya we no we took 4evar lol, we can has continewed workin wif our fwiendz to improve cheezburger covarige and sidez kompatibilati. Dere iz rite now > 2.1 gazzilon sapoorted cutleries and > 2,000 stikered sidez suc as drinkz n saladz 4 eated wif our cheezburgers. We fink u can has gud xperins eated cheezburger vista 2day.

we kool? awsum. kthxbai.

Update: Still no words on the unannounced cheezburger xtras. Cheezburgler Barry Goffe has no new flavors to share.

If the world were to ever overflow with lava, Microsoft Research would be first in the industry to have the maps for this new world. Last April, Danyel Fisher, a Microsoft Researcher at Redmond developed a tool to create a paradox of looking at what we look at on online maps.

He named his tool “Hotmaps” – Hotmail is reportedly upset – uses internal Microsoft statistics to generate a heatmap overlay for Virtual Earth. Areas of interest on the map with the most views (Bill’s house) are given bright red spots whilst areas without much interest with not many views are given dark spots (Steve’s house).

Previously used for only research purposes, now the tool is freely available for the public to see how many people are looking at their house and neighbors.

I’m surprised at just how many people look at the Pacific/Atlantic ocean. Is everyone looking for mermaids? I also wonder if we can create a tool to look at what we look at looking at what people look at on online maps. I’d call it, “Heatmaps for Hotmaps for Virtual Earth”.

Update 2: Microsoft has confirmed this is a copy error and does not intend to show Vista SP1 at TechEd Australia this year.

It looks like Windows Vista’s first service pack is coming a lot sooner than expected. Mary Jo Foley’s reports that a Vista SP1 beta might be seeded to ‘elite’ testers and enthusiasts as early as this week and public release around November, or as vaguely described by Microsoft PR “sometime this year”. However, pundits down-under might even get their dirty “hands on” SP1 as early as August 8th at Microsoft Australia’s TechEd conference on the Gold Coast this year.

Whoever made this website, likely an outsourced company, is a pure genius for making the entire website load in a single page – making it impossible to link to any particular pages directly. I wonder why the rest of the internet haven’t adopted this groundbreaking method of website navigation. Having said that, you can find this particular page under the “Education” menu, “Hands-on Labs” submenu and second collapsible table “Windows Client”. Displayed in black and white is “Windows Vista SP1”

“Hands-on Labs” is a Microsoft event specialty. Like the name suggests, it is an opportunity for anyone to get their hands-on the latest technologies at one of hundreds of virtualized computers with brick-thick tutorial handbooks and step-by-step scenarios to help learn and familiarize new products.

To see SP1 show up in these labs would be interesting because it suggests it will be available to play with, not just look at or read about. For that to happen, it should be ‘feature-complete’ – meaning no new features will be added (only fixes), documented, tested for basic reliability, and deployable via Windows Virtual Server.

This could be a copy mistake, but I fail to see how anyone could mistype “Windows Vista SP1” for anything else in that context. At the moment it looks like I’ll be attending so you can all guess where I’ll be rushing to first. And if I remember correctly, cameras are allowed in the labs. 😉

Update: Microsoft Australia cannot confirm or deny at this point whether SP1 will be making an appearance in the Hands-on Labs or TechEd. They will provide an update when possible.

Update 2: Microsoft AU: “We’ve double checked and, as you suspected, this is a copy error. There will be no Vista SP1 content at TechEd Australia this year. We’re in the process of updating the TechEd site to accurately reflect this.

The Windows team is working hard on the service pack, and our current expectation is that a beta will be made available sometime this year, but there will be no content on Vista SP1 at Tech.Ed in Australia.”

“A method for managing windows in a display” would sound particularly familiar to every Windows user as “that strip at the bottom of the screen with the Start button and clock” or perhaps the more formal name, the taskbar. On July 12 the Patent Office processed a patent application from Microsoft filed on the 9th of February, 2006 of what appears to be a possible alternative for the decade-old taskbar we all know and cherish in Windows.

The taskbars styles of the last two Windows release. (Composited) images credit: Wikipedia user BWCNY

Time and time again, Windows enthusiasts have jumped on the idea of replacing the taskbar in the ‘next’ version of Windows as one of the most revolutionary user interface changes Microsoft can make. For Windows Vista (Longhorn), the center of attention was the sidebar before undergoing major feature-reduction surgery in 2005 – a lot of people fantasized about how the sidebar could become the taskbar replacement, however that soon worn-off.

This time around a bunch of Microsoft Researchers have come up with a way to manage multi-tasking windows by the use of what they call a “clipping list”. The inventors, Tara Matthews, George Robertson, Mary Czerwinski and Desney Tan are all except Tara, part of the infamous MSR VIBE (Visualization and Interaction for Business and Entertainment) project aimed at enhancing information presentation and work efficiency. Ironically, they can’t seem to do the same for the website – it’s renders horribly in Firefox.

Their proposed solution, one of many I’d imagine, detailed in over 30 or so odd pages can be summarized as thumbnails with an icon – “A clipping comprises an image of a region of a window and an icon.” To picture what that might look like, imagine each of your minimized application buttons represented by a ’tile’ and an overlaid icon with text. These tiles would then be stacked vertically on the side of the screen looking somewhat a sidebar. The following diagrams were provided.

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Well that was the quickest corporate court-case turnaround I have ever witnessed. It seemed like only yesterday when the ACCC (Australia Competition and Consumer Commission), or otherwise informally known as Whiny Customers Complaining Channel, announced they would take Google to court over misleading and deceptive conduct for its “Sponsored Links” program.

The dispute in question is actually valid, where a sponsored link duplicated the name of a legally registered business which linked to one of its major competitors. Now the Federal Court has ruled in favor of the ACCC for breach of the Trade Practices Act (Section 52) in Australia. Now this is where my pain and suffering to study Business Law pays off.

The ACCC wants to take things even further whilst they’re on a roll. They want Google to shame themselves by displaying their breach on the website’s homepage, which I thought would be amusing. I’ve put together a little mockup of what that might look like.

Or maybe the LOLCat version…